How do you say goodbye?

I have a friend. His name was Rick, but most knew him as Grunt. He was one of the nicest, truly caring people I have ever met. I know, I know--you hear that all the time, right? But it's true in this case. Was he perfect? Oh HELL no! Are any of us? He's a "reformed rake" as his significant other liked to call him. I would just laugh. That man could charm the bloody birds from the trees if he set his mind to it. And apparently he did that a lot before i met him ~chuckle~

Hard to believe it when i stop and think--just since June? Was it really that short a timeframe? This friend came to mean so much to me--he was, quite honestly, my best friend. He understood me, my ghosts, my demons, my pain. He took the time to get to know me. ME, not Tempest, but Miki, the person behind the avatar. He knew the right questions to ask, when to gently push for the answer--and, when to back off from what i wasn't ready to answer, or was unable to find the words to do so. He held me when i needed to cry--and never once used that against me--not like so many people in my life. He was probably the only person i felt safe handing a weapon like that to. Wait--maybe one other.

I think--a lot of our friendship was the simple fact that we understood each other. the ghosts and demons that rode us, each in their own way. Both sick and fighting not to admit it or give into it. He could make me laugh when i didn't thank anything could. I did the same for him. Tease and taunt and joke until we were either laughing--or, just needed to be held until the demon du jour finally was beaten into submission and crammed back into the trunk in the dark corners of the mind. How the flaming, fiery Hell did i come to trust him so much in such a short time? How the hell did he weasel his way under my skin, into my heart and set a niche for himself in the span of a few short months? Ask around--that is just SO not me. Rick---was special.

I kinda chuckle when his S.O. told me that he told her that, if not for her, he would have chased me to the ends of SL. I cannot believe he told her that! He told me that and i laughed at him. right out loud, i laughed at him. I told him, save for her, i MIGHT have let him catch me. Gee, ya think she's special too? She is. I am truly blessed to have her as a friend, also. She was the first person he introduced me to. ~grin~ Well, outside of the club where we met, anyway. Then i was wallowing in n00b-dom and trying to figure out how things worked. But, when he introduced me to Pan, i just--liked her. She's what i call real people. I adore her to bits.

I can remember Grunt and i just dancing and laughing--talking in IM--just to forget the crap of everyday life, share family and kid stories--he was SO big on family. His was his entire world. He loved his sons so very much. I remember when my other friend, Jarhead , built me a house. He's a story for another time, but a wonderful friend and one i cherish. anyway, before i dodge off on that tangent--the house that Jar built--Dahlea and i were there--oh, sometime after O-stupid thirty in the morning--neither of us able to sleep, so just hanging out while i showed her around my new digs and Grunt came inworld. So of course, i sent a TP--not like him to be on that late, as a rule and i was worried. Besides, he had yet to see my new place, either. Well, D and i were on voice--now, keep in mind that i had JUST serenaded Jarhead for three hours while watching him build other stuff, because i was unaware that i had an open mic and HE COULD HEAR ME!! ~faints in horror~ anyway--here i am relating this tale of woe to Dah and laughing in embarrassment and just chit chatting like women do and Grunt is playing with the menus in my bedroom. ~chuckle~ and taunting me because i complained that i had it set to "sleep" and he was doing the "uh huh suuuureeeeee" thing. Errm..i live A-L-O-N-E!!! what the hell else would i have the bed set at? so D and i are laughing and, out of the blue clear sky comes this EVIL, echoing laugh! Startled the crap outta me! Guess who else is on voice? Anyway, it just went from there--we laughed so hard, he woke up his wife. ~giggle~ guess who slept on the couch that night? he had us in stitches laughing and showing us the Tinies he had gotten for Eliisse. The winged unicorn and the baby dragon and the tiger--then, he morphed into tigger and was BOINGing all over my bedroom.

I will miss that. I will miss him teasing and flirting and taunting me, knowing because of it, that one or the other of us is not having a good eveing--like the night he treed me in Vets chat..i laughed so hard--and when you hurt--well--laughing hurts, too..but it makes the icky hurt that much better. he knew i wasn't feeling well, so he was teasing me --asked if i had any candy and i said i had chocolate!! he's a confirmed chocoholic, so i stashed it--~giggle` he then had ideas about just WHERE i could stash it--like down my shirt. I said it would melt there...then quickly did a nvm post--see *i* remembered where we were!! then he started going after said chocolate and of course i had to duck and run, right? grabbed a tree branch and swung up, then monkeyed to the top of the tree and giggled down at him and said something like there are advantages to being little---big man. He's huge--something like 7'4, i think it was? (remember this is SL--RL he was 6'2") so he's circling the tree and baying at the moon in lonlieness or something..It was really funny. I laughed and dragged him outta Vet chat at that point--and listened to him groan and thunk his head on his desk because he forgot we weren't in personal IM!! I know what people thought. I have had one or two alts come in and call me nasty things about how i am fucking him behind Pan's back, etc. I wasn't--we knew where the line was drawn--now, we could push, shove, twist and bend that damned line like a pretzel---but we never once crossed it. further, if you want to accuse me of something, grow a set of balls, magically sprout a penis and become a man and face me as yourself. If you have the balls to accuse, have the freaking conviction and accountability to tell me as yourself, you freaking yellow backed cowards! I have nothing to hide, nor be ashamed of. I have standards and rules of my own--and, tantamount amongst them is I DO NOT POACH!

Anyway, i guess the long and short of this novella i seem to have written--Rick died last week. Suddenly out of the blue, had a heart attack mere hours after last danced together, spoke with each other and gave each other chocolates ~chuckles through a film of tears~ How the hell do you say goodbye to someone like that? to your best pal? your confidante? your friend? I guess there is no real easy answer. I guess, it would be...slowly and in stages? I want to believe it's someone's idea of a nasty joke and when he gets back, he's gonna be looking for an ass to kick. But, in the heart of me--i know it's not and yet another path in the twisted trail of my world has come to an end. But ahhh--the road sure was fun and i will look back on it--and smile through the tears.

I miss you, Darlin'

-Miki